Losing your hair is emotionally pretty traumatic for the majority of men, so adding relationship problems on top of this feels like the world is just slipping away from under your feet.
This may sound like a dramatic statement I know, but for those of you who’ve been through a split-up, divorce or found yourself in a ‘mess’ due to relationship problems, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
This might sound quite odd, but, losing your hair young sets you up to handle relationship issues in a more positive way.
Well, think about it this way. Once you’ve got over the initial problems of dealing with your loss and you’ve found your confidence again, the world is then your oyster when it comes to relationships.
What they see is what they get, nothing is hidden, you’ve gone through it and come out of the other side looking and feeling great. Whoever you date, form a relationship with or end up marrying, pretty much knows what you’re going to look like until the day you die – they are with you because they want to be with you, they were physically attracted to you now and hopefully for a long time to come.
Relationship issues are harder for men who are older, in relationships or married and their look starts to change. I’ve had a few friends talk to me about their problems; most of them have been in their late 30’s/40’s, all of which were having issues with losing their hair.
For some, it’s been a gradual process but for others, the loss has been quite rapid. In all of these cases, my friends have confessed to feeling pretty low about the way they look, saying they are worried that their wives/partners wouldn’t find them attractive anymore and they were concerned things were going wrong.
My first question is always, ‘have you talked to your partner about this’? In most cases the answer is ‘No’. This is where the problem starts – you need to talk about your feelings, your worries/concerns and let it out.
Now I admit, I’m not the best at this. I’m like most typical men, I’d rather keep my mouth shut, keep it to myself than talk about it.
This is wrong especially when women are concerned. Our partners can see how we’re feeling, probably more than we know, our body language, demeanour and attitude, they know something is wrong and ask, ‘what’s wrong?’ The stock answer is, ‘nothing, I’m fine’.
This is the time when you should talk, they are asking you, holding out their hand for you to let it out and say what you’re worried about. Be a man and talk.
If you’ve been bottling up your worry, then subconsciously you’ve probably been making things worse for both of you. Partners can see the change in you, some men have a tendency to become ‘clingy’, worried about their hair loss, more self-conscious.
To combat these emotions/worries you look for warmth and security back from your partner but without talking to them about why.
How do you expect to get this if you’re not going to talk? Let them know how you feel and why you’ve been acting funny – you might be surprised with the outcome of just having an honest conversation.
This is the hard truth if things are still bad; maybe the person you thought you knew is not the one that really loves you. If they have an issue with your hair loss and are not supportive then it’s time to ask yourself, ‘are you in the right relationship’?
I understand this is difficult but if the person you’re with is not going to support you, make you feel loved and good about yourself then what hope do you have for a future together? Just when you needed them the most they let you down, that’s certainly not what you want, nor is it healthy for you to be in that relationship.
Yes, losing your hair might be one of the factors in the relationship problems but I bet it’s not the only one – don’t turn this into something you focus on. Like I’ve stated before, half of all men suffer from some form or hair loss by the time they’re 40, it’s natural.
People sometimes simply grow apart, it’s not always about the way you look so don’t blame everything on your hair loss. If things are going bad they would have gone bad no matter the way you look. Relationships might be formed initially on physical attraction but for things to last there needs to be much more than that, something much deeper than the superficial.
Being attractive is not all about the way you look or looked. Attractiveness comes in many different forms, your manner, your confidence, your humour and the way you conduct yourself. Yes, physical attraction plays a big part but it’s not everything, we all get old, we all lose that youthful look, our faces change and so do our bodies but if someone loves you, they love you not just for the way you look but for who you are.
If you’re having problems and you believe it’s down to how you look, then do something about it. There’s plenty of information on this blog on how better groom yourself and dress like a truly smart gent. Just because your partner now doesn’t like your look it doesn’t mean to say the next one won’t – there are plenty of people out there looking for a guy like you. A new style a new you, find your confidence again, you will appear more attractive, more confident and in control, all of which are attractive features, all of which others will find attractive too. Carry yourself with pride and you’ll be surprised what doors open for you.